The last interview of the Parenthood Month took place on Tuesday night. It was with a couple that I've known since college, and it's a couple that has had a parenting experience vastly different than the one Elizabeth and I have had.
Jason and Jenna met at the University of Maine at Farmington while I was attending there as well. Jenna was in many of my education classes, while Jason ended up being my roommate senior year. We were at the bar one night, and I remember I teased Jenna about something or other (I did that a lot with her), and when she left, Jason reached over and grabbed my arm. "Don't make fun of her, I'm going to marry that girl!"
And then a few years later that's just what happened. Jason and Jenna are celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary this year.
Was having kids something that you always wanted?
Jenna: We had our names picked out when we were engaged. We always wanted kids. We also, before we were married, were familiar with the foster system and thought it'd be something we would do later on in life. Jason's aunt and uncle were foster parents, and we thought that was really great.
Jason: We thought older kids were what we would do if we did end up fostering. If we had an opportunity to help through fostering we would do that, but we thought we would have our own before that.
Tell me about how the girls came into your life.
Jenna: We tried a lot of different methods to get pregnant. And we even looked into private infant adoption too, but we couldn't afford that. So after 6 years of it not working out with us having our own, that timeline kind of sped up. We were actually we were driving to your wedding, and we finally had that conversation about it.
We moved back to Rumford and we thought let's move up our foster plans. Two weeks before we finished the foster course, they called us up with the triplets.
Jason: It was a Monday, and we got the call that morning that said it might be a possibility, they had an urgent placement. I had to come home at lunch so we could talk to our case worker and his supervisor because we weren't licensed yet, and we had to get special approval to do this. At 5pm on Monday, September 28th, they called and said they're coming to you.
Jenna: They were discharged right into our care. They'd been in the NICU before that.
Jason: They were 5 weeks old. They've pretty much they have been here from the get go. It was 10:30 at night and there were three state workers and three car seats. They gave us some diapers, some formula, and they said we'll call you tomorrow and see if this is still something you want to do. And that was it, we went from 0 to 3 in a matter of hours.
Jenna: It was a really intensive interview process for foster care. They needed our financials, home studies, all of that. But it all worked out and I think we're doing ok.
What was the fostering process like?
Jason: It was weird...it's one of those things that as a foster parent, you'll want to treat these kids like your own but you have no say in whatever comes down the pike.
Jenna: We couldn't get their hair cut without the state's permission.
Jason: And if there is a visitation scheduled with the family, not matter what, no matter if there's a giant snow storm, you have to make that happen.
Jenna: That was emotionally stressful for us, but not really for the girls. Which is a good thing so hopefully their won't be anything residual with them.
After two and a half years of visitations and paper work and appointments and legal wrangling, Danielle, Lilac, and Isabelle were adopted by Jason and Jenna.
Jenna: That's their birth order too. We kept their birth names, but came up with their middle names..
What did it feel like once they were finally yours?
Jason: When we went to court for the adoption, I was on the stand and the attorney asked what it's like. I told him "It's like playing zone defense all the time."
Jenna: It took 10 months after the parental rights were terminated for the adoption to become finalized. It was a lot of wait and see, and wait and see. Which was tough, because as soon as you look at them you can't imagine living without them.
It didn't feel real when they were finally ours. I would just break down with this release of emotions. I really grieved for the biological family. You see it in their face, their best effort just wasn't good enough. It was just a relief that they are ours now, but I couldn't imagine losing them the way that they lost them. It took months for it to finally sink in.
Jason: It was a relief. Not that we weren't doing thing our way, but now we didn't need permission.
What is the most rewarding thing about being a parent
Jenna: Watching them learn, they're all the same age and it's a great example of nature vs nuture, because they could have a lot of issues. We were blessed that for whatever reason they're healthy, they're smart, they're funny. I think potty training might kill me, but it's so amazing to watch them play together. They don't get along all the time, but it's so great to see them interact.
Jason: It's so amazing how different they are. They have been brought up the same way, but Lilac can sit by herself and read a book. And Danielle and Isabelle will be running around and going nuts. The three girls are on different schedules and different development stages, so they always keep us guessing.
Jenna: And they're just little sponges! If you ask them "What does Mommy say sometimes?" they'll all go "Oh My GOSH!" or "I'm FRUS-TRA-TED!"
Jenna is home with the girls, but she has an "all hands on deck" situation with family members coming in to help.
Jenna: Breaking up fights is the biggest part of my day. They all have babydolls and they stroll them around.
How's potty training going?
Jenna: The other day they were playing bumper car potties.
Jason: Only one of them gets it right now. The other two are just very vocal cheerleaders.
How do you make this all work?
Jenna: It's been helpful when I am so overwhelmed to verbally say out loud "I need a break," I admit to myself that I need help. And usually that is all it takes. It's hard to say I have had enough, but it's ok to say that I need time to myself.
Social media is the highlight reel of life, you only see the good stuff. So I have been trying to be a little bit more realistic, and I am happier for it to letting that go. They wake up and say "Hi Momma" and that's what makes worth it.
You have to take time for each other too and we forget that sometimes, but the girls remind us of it. Jason was leaving for work the other day and the girls made sure we kissed goodbye too.
We're both raising women...and y'all are actually raising three. What's that like for you in today's climate?
Jason: For me, you can see it in the evolution of the princess. Cinderella didn't get talked to at the party, the Prince just saw her and that was it and being pretty was all she needed. Ariel was beautiful but didn't talk, Sleeping Beauty needed saving. But now you have all these Moanas and the girls in Frozen and they're strong. It's nice to see that happening. I want to raise them so they're strong and compassionate. I want them to know that I'll always support them and that they don't have to be afraid to take risks.
Jenna: It's horrible to say, but I don't know how much is going to change with all of this. So I want them to prepare them. I want them to realize their dreams. I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom but I have dreams too. I don't want them to see me and see that's the only thing they can do. You can be more than one thing. I don't want them to think that I don't want this or that it's holding me back from doing other things. I want to show them that a woman can be both.
Any last words of wisdom?
Jenna: Everything is going to be fine. I think everyone is their own worst critic. There are days where I am defeated. And the next morning they want to be with you. So don't beat yourself up. In the grand scheme you're doing your best.
Jason: I don't know how people do one. I don't know what one is like. People say "You're doing three, how d you do that?" That's just what we had to do.
Jenna: I stayed home with one of them the other day, and that quietness...I just kept looking at her and thinking "Ok now what? What do you want do to?" It was just weird.
Talking with Jason and Jenna on Tuesday night was a lot of fun. Jenna mentioned how it was great that old friends could reconnect like no time had passed, and I totally agree with her. I don't know how they manage three, but from the pictures I've seen, it looks like they've taken on this adventure head on and are able to find the humor in even the darkest of days.
They were wonderful people when I knew them in college, and they are wonderful parents now that the triplets came into their lives. I'm hoping to get the chance to meet Danielle, Lilac, and Isabelle soon. When I do, I'll be sure to let them know how lucky they are to have Jenna and Jason as their mom and dad.
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