For the last activity of my 31 day effort to become a better parent, I decided to build something with Elliot. And that something was an R2D2 that he can pilot with either my phone or by using the Force (where were toys like this when I was growing up...)
It's called a littleBits kit, and it was very easy to assemble. So easy that even though the box said 8+, this cheeseball helped out quite a bit...
Together, we went through the assembly process...
...and after we connected all of the servos, this was the result...
We still need to decorate him, but I'd call this one a success.
Good Listening...
My intention with this month's blog was to do something each day that would help Elizabeth and I become better parents. But at the end of these 31 days, I've realized that we've only scratched the surface with this.
Will taking your kids to science centers and museums make you an awesome parent? Most definitely. Will learning to cut their hair make you a better parent? I'm sure it will. Will talking with others to gain different perspectives help you in the long run? I have no doubt. Does building an R2D2 mean that you're kid will grow up to do amazing things? I sure hope so! But that almost implies that there's a road map to this whole parenting thing when there certainly is not.
There's not a "Do this series of things and voila, you're a better parent" program out there, and if there is and you've paid for it, go get your money back right away because you've been had. We're all just doing the best we can at this every day. And the common theme I found in all of the things we did this month comes down to "good listening..."
That's a phrase Elizabeth and I use quite a lot when talking to Elliot. We try to encourage his good behavior by framing it around the idea of him listening to us (we'll do the same for Eleanor when she gets moving). "Use your listening ears," we'll tell him, and that usually gets him to complete the task that we've asked him to do. When he does something correctly or when he is at least in the ballpark, we'll say "Good listening!" in an attempt to have him recreate that desired behavior.
"Good listening" extends beyond how we talk to Elliot. I made coffee for Elizabeth on Wednesday morning, something I don't always get a chance to do. She said how she appreciated it, and that waking up to coffee on a weekday was a great way to start her day. I had my listening ears on for that one, and this morning, I made sure she had coffee waiting for her when she got up. Elizabeth will do the same kind of thing for me. She'll pick up on little cues that tell her I need a back rub or a glass of wine. She'll use her listening ears to make sure she's there for me and there for the kids.
I know the difference between Eleanor's "wet diaper cry" and her "I'm hungry, feed me Seymour!" cry. Elizabeth can pick Elliot's voice out of a crowded party. It's something that all good parents can do, and it happens when we stop focusing on ourselves and start listening for the needs of others.
We're not always perfect with this whole parenting thing, and the same can be said for every parent in every kind of situation out there. There are days where we only hear what we want to hear, days when what our partners or our children are saying gets lost in translation. There are days where we all fall short of the promise that we inherently made to our offspring, the one that charged us with creating a better life for them than the one we had.
It's such a noisy world out there, and instead of using our listening ears, we often just add to the noise.
If nothing else, this month of interviews and activities taught me to be more present in my present. To use my listening ears more. To not beat ourselves up when we aren't the parents we hoped we would be. To revel in the moments when we are. To be more appreciative of the days I spend with my friends and my family and my Elizabeth and my Elliot and my Eleanor.
I lack the imagination to have imagined this life. These certainly are the droids that I was looking for.
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