Since Eleanor's arrival, juggling the two kiddos has been a lesson in patience, balance, flexibility, and communication (and a lot of other words, but you get the idea). Elizabeth and I are learning all over again how to handle life with an infant in the house, and having Elliot help out as much as possible with things has been a big help. But going from double teaming one child to playing man to man with two has been a challenge, and while it's one that we are continuing to learn from and get better at, we still have a long way to go.
So much of our time now is spent as a quad, the four of us in the same room or participating in a similar activity or driving to the same destination. But there hasn't been a lot of time where I get to spend just with Elliot, and even less time with just Eleanor. Elizabeth gets that alone time with Eleanor because she breast feeds her, and that's a connection that I just will not be able to recreate on my own("I've got nipples Greg, can you milk me?").
I get to read to Eleanor at bedtime, but she's often falling asleep 5 minutes into it. My alone time with Elliot is mostly just our mornings getting ready for daycare and work. I'm sure Elizabeth feels the same way about her reduced alone time with her son, since much of her time is devoted to keeping Eleanor fed.
This doesn't mean that we don't spend time with our children, quite the opposite. It's just that I don't get a lot of meaningful one on one time with them. If I am playing with one, I'm always listening for the other to cry out or ask for something. One part of my brain is constantly elsewhere, pulling double duty for the other child. Elizabeth and I get little blips of time alone with one child or another, before we're pulled away in another direction.
This wasn't the case with Elliot because he was the only around when he was a baby and I could focus entirely on him. That alone time I had with Elliot was something that I cherished. We'd watch TV shows and play games and I'd read him stories and it was awesome. Now, whenever I'm up early with Eleanor and start to watch an episode of TNG or Voyager, Elliot is usually quick to get up as well and join us. It's great to have both of them there, but I sometimes feel like I'm missing out by not giving my kids my undivided attention.
Yesterday, I changed that, and I got to spend some one on one time with each of my children.
First, I took Elliot with me to Costco and the grocery store. He helped me pick out the right tub of cherry tomatoes, said that shoes I looked at were "Cool shoes, man," and gave me a high five when I remembered something I had failed to put on my shopping list (it's the little encouragements that can get you through the day). He insisted on helping me put things on the check out belt (he's not quite big enough for the industrial sized laundry detergent at Costco, but he managed the bread we got at the grocery store quite well).
I made it a point to talk to him throughout the whole shopping trip, asking his opinions on what kind of item to get or if this was the better deal. Invariably, his answer was "Yeah!" to whatever I asked, so I couldn't rely on his advice 100% of the time (or else we would have come home with that 75" TV after all...). But involving him in the process of grocery shopping and meal planning helped make our time together more meaningful.
Next, it was time for me and Eleanor to have some time together. Last year, the Dunleath Neighborhood Association put on a musical festival that ran throughout the neighborhood on different porches. "Porchfest" was a big success, and we are set to host it again this year. I'm on the neighborhood board and wanted to help with the planning of the event this year, I also want to get the kids involved, and one way to do that was to bring Eleanor to the planning meeting yesterday. I strapped her into the Bjorn and we went for a walk up to the meeting.
She did a great job while she was there, cooing and looking all around at everyone while we talked about the bands we wanted to invite and the food vendors we wanted to have on hand. She took a little nap after I fed her a bottle, but otherwise she was alert and interested in everything going on around her. On our walk back, I pointed out the birds in the trees and the cars that passed us on the street. When the dog on the corner barked, I told her that was a doggie like Merlin (she and Merlin have become fast friends). Her big blue eyes took everything in.
I really enjoyed having some alone time with each one of my kiddos yesterday, and I need to make a point of doing more of that. It allowed me the chance to focus in on their individual needs, without having to worry about what the other one was up to. For Elliot, this meant he could help me more and could interact with me in a way that doesn't normally happen when we are all out together as a family. For Eleanor, it gave me time outside of the house with her and a chance to show her a setting that she was unfamiliar with.
There will be days where alone time with the kids individually won't be possible , and they'll need our attention at the same time. Or their schedules will be such that it isn't feasible to have quality activity time one on one. But when the opportunity arises to do something special with each of them from here on out, I'm going to take it, and I look forward to the memories we'll get to make together.
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