I'm kidding, of course, because taking care of each other is as important as making sure that the kiddos are safe and sound. If we're not healthy, then we won't be around for them, and if we're not around for them...well, that just leaves Merlin, our dog, to run the show. And I have a sneaky suspicion that won't go too well.
That being said, taking care of each other and making sure that we still found time to be "Elizabeth and Lars" (not "Mom and Dad") was something we didn't do a great job of the first few months that Elliot was home with us. We started to realize that while we were in the same house together during that time, we felt like ships passing in the night. I knew that she was there, and she knew that I was there too, but there was something that was missing from our relationship (sleep being the number one thing, but there were others as well).
We missed each other, and we made it a point after we had that realization to make sure we still connected. We married each other for many reasons, and while the little boy that was now living in our house was one of the biggest reasons, it wasn't the only one.
With Eleanor, the feeling of missing each other was not as severe as the first go around but it was certainly there. We want to make sure it doesn't slip away from us like it did with Elliot, so we've been trying to make a point of finding time where we can just be us.
One of the ways we've done this started on January 1st. My parents got us a book a couple of years back, and we hadn't gotten around to filing it out until this year. It's called Our Q&A a Day, and there are 365 questions in it, one for each day throughout the year. For January 1st, it was "Love is ____" and you were supposed to fill in the blank. For January 2nd, the prompt was "Make a new years resolution." I've peeked ahead, and future questions/prompts include "Where would you like to travel with your partner?" and "What makes your partner laugh?"
There are blanks for each person to write an answer to the question or prompt, and there are then three sets of these blanks, meaning that once you get done answering the questions the first year, you turn around and do it again for the next two years. It's a neat way to see how things change, how they progress and mature, and to see what stays the same. It's a chance to reflect on the day, and then in macro, reflect over three years in your relationship together.
Last night's question fit with the message that I'm trying to get across: "What is vitally important right now?" And our joint answer was: "The time that we spend together."
It's very easy to get sucked down the rabbit hole of being parents. We were told time and again that our lives would change once children came into the picture, and holy crap, that was certainly the truth. It wasn't a bad change, or a perfect change, it was just...a change. There were downsides to it (the aforementioned lack of sleep), but there were also overwhelmingly positive aspects to it as well. But it was quickly the defining characteristic in our lives, when once it had been simply our love for each other that had been the primary focus.
And while it'll never get to the back to the point it was where it was "just us," because of course our children are now our top priority, that doesn't mean there can't be room for the old "us" to come out every once in awhile. To unplug from the worries and the stress and the anxiety that can often come with being a parent, and instead focus on each other. Our Q&A a Day will hopefully be a jumping off point for us to reflect and recharge after a long day. Elliot and Eleanor need their Mom and Dad, and in order to be the best we can be, we have to make sure we're Elizabeth and Lars every once in awhile.
No comments:
Post a Comment